(Noobs please read)My HOOKAH DID SOMETHING I DIDN'T LIKE RAGE!!!

[Madwolf]

I've seen this a lot as of late. It's Good because it means more people have entered the fold of our community. But People get into hookah and are confused, frustrated, and can't get that dream smoke that a lot of people here talk about. So I decided to make out a list of guidelines and things to keep in mind when getting into the hookah world and community. So to get on with it here's the first and foremost rule of hookah........



I Cannot stress that enough. So you bought a $400 dollar hookah, Tobacco made with the tears of angels and coals blessed by a magical unicorn. That don't mean you know your gear well enough to just plop down and make a magical smoke every time. Setting up a hookah is something learned, and learned more though experience than just reading.

Now I don't mean don't read up on what your doing, because it's very very important... but if you've read up and your first smoke isn't sublime, it's probably something very small that maybe you over thought. Not missed, mind you. Over thought. You Are excited, and much like your first time in bed with someone, you know what your supposed to do, but sometimes putting it into practice doesn't come out as well as all your planning might lead you to believe.

SO let's get something straight.... a lot of things people here talk about are optimization. Taking Smoking to the next level. If your new, that's not what you need to be focusing on. You need to get the nuts and bolts basics down. If you have good fundamentals, you can make anything smoke amazingly.

Let's start with the pipes and all the what-it's and thing-a-bobbers that go with it.


It can be damned confusing for new people and very very intimidating to drop a lot of money on a hookah, especially when you have no idea whats good, bad, etc.

But if you have yet to buy a hookah, The best thing to do is look up what people are smoking and check out some reviews. KM and MZ's are going to probably be your best bet. Now also keep in mind at any given time there may be a fad hookah on the forum, such as right now the KM beast is popular, etc. If its a KM or a MZ it will smoke fine. Find one you like, not one that everyone else is going crazy over. You might just like a KM double pear and thats the rig you want. Nothing wrong with that. Remember, There made of glass and metal.. once you buy one, your going to have it for a long long time. It will come with tongs, a hose, and a bowl, and some grommets. That's good.

Now what about all the other stuff to buy? I mean you need a Crown classic flip phunnel voretx with a hood ornament right? You need the Km Delux smoke pro lounge ultra mega glass tip hose right? And a Diffuser right?



I suggest if your going to get any extras it should be a NUhose/Fancy hose. There Cheap easy to clean, and will make a great hose as you learn and begin to understand more and get into the realm of smoking and gain confidence, then you can start to expand your Hookah Swag.

So what if you have bought a hookah and its not a KM, it's a Chinese rig or some other such thing? Refer to the big image that says " DON'T PANIC". Chineese rigs are not optimal for the long haul. But you can make it smoke. Just relax and keep an eye out for a good deal on another rig. If you keep your Chinese rig in good shape it can be your travel hookah or something in the future when you get a good KM or MZ or something. Just Keep in mind that it will have threads that can leak, or rust, or pinholes, etc... Those you will have to deal with as time goes on. But for now you should be ok.

Oh..........Buy natural coals..... If you can't get access to them, make sure your QL's are ashed over before using them......... and then as your smoking them find a place to buy natural coals.

Now, what do you smoke out of this new toy of yours?

Well there's lots of different brands of tobacco out there, all in a varying range of Stuff out there. From pricy to cheap, to fruti to black leaf, and 100 more variables in the process.

I recommend Nakhla as a good starting point. If you can't order any online or get Nakhla locally that is going to mean you might have a bit more of a learning curve, but Nakhla is the most forgiving and easiest to use of the Brands out there that I have come across. Find something you might enjoy, maybe not the greatest flavor every, but something you can be content with. Because this is the stuff your learning on, not what your dream smoke is. You can learn on Fumari if you really want, but burning the hell outta damn expensive stuff isn't usually everyone's idea of a fun time. Nakhla is Inexpensive and if you mess up a bowl or two your not breaking the bank. No worries, Try again.

SO now you have your Nakhla, and Egyptian bowl, your gonna overpack it on the 3rd blood moon while dancing to " its raining men" right? Again don't over think it. But DO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING. So if it doesn't work then you have a reference point to fall back on. That's the key. Like the Scientific method you want to do things in a way that you can repeat the same process and get the same results. Now I'm not going into lots of detail about packing, coals and other such as there is a whole encyclopedia of information here on that. But your gonna want natural coals that are well lit, your bowl packed, and you should be on your way to a good session.

BUT IT DON'T WORK............


Now is where the "DON'T PANIC" Comes into play. Before you buy plane tickets to fly over to Egypt to beat a guy in a KM factory to death with your stem, ask yourself what you did to get here? Go over it and try again. Its a learning process. That's why I suggest Inexpensive tobacco, and so on. You either over did something or skipped a step, or as you were smoking you were lazy and didn't heat manage.

So try again, pitch the bowl and go through it again. Trust me, you will get it. You have to be actively thinking your way through it, and you will for many of your first bowls. That's the important thing.... Actively problem solving your way though the process. Instead of becoming discouraged and raging, stop, and ask yourself why did it do that? Don't know? Look it up? No good enough answer, Ask a more detailed question.

See this forum is great as there are lots of very very good people here with lots of information, but basic questions are going to get you basic answers, When you ask more detailed questions and start to get more into the process of what you are doing, your going to get a lot more detailed information back out of it, and you will start to get your smoking down to a more relaxing and wonder experience at a much more exponential rate.

Make sure your questions are full of good information to go off of, Questions like " Durr - I put coals on the pipe and it don't smoke, help?" do not give us a lot to go on.

However a question like " So with a Egypian bowl and a rather medium pack I was smoking my nakhla mango and it kept getting harsh. I moved the coals but Really didn't help. I was using 4 coals, and a double layer of foil, is this too much heat? or am I not placing the coals right?" This does give us a clear picture of what is going on.

Remember, Relax, you will get it. Don't be discouraged. AND the more you help us understand what your doing, the more we can help you. Heck I'd wager to say that you might fix many of the problems you have through some good old thinking it through.

Once you get that basic set of skills rock solid you can go anywhere and tackle any problem you have, as well as begin to help others as you were helped though the process


Oh and once you get your solid smoke down, you can then get in on the hookah swag competitions and discussions!

Hope this helps get you in a proper mindset on how to dive into this wonderful new world of hookah you have entered. Anything I Missed please feel free to add!

[ashish642]

nice read madwolf, seems like a good start for the surge of new people on here recently.

[southernpipeman]

amen brother

[FknJulian]

I remember when I barely started setting up hookah on my own, I got so excited I forgot to poke holes!

I'm not a clever man.....

[REV]

Good post! id like to add a few small things:

First thing you want to do with your brand new hookah is NOT to clean it. you want to check to see if your hose is washable or not before you get into that first scrub down. just use a really strong (ie: not a fridge magnet...) magnet on the tube portion of the hose. now wash

Second thing: SERIOUSLY WASH IT.

Third, and really important: Check for leaks. a friend could be helpful for this, because you want to assemble the whole pipe except for water and the bowl. have someone put a finger over the top of the pipe where the bowl goes on, and one over the purge valve (if you have one. first take off the cap and dont loose the ball bearing in the process). The better way to check is to blow (hard) directly into the hose port, you should not have and air moving. if you do, start to feel around where you pipe goes into the base. fix, repeat with the hose plugged in. now you can check to see that your hose has no leaks as well as a good seal at the port. if all checks out, put everything back together and have fun.

If i could re-emphasize one thing to new smokers asking for help:

GIVE US AS MUCH INFO AS YOU CAN!!! A basic formula to follow:

1: Pipe. if its a random chinese pipe, post a side shot of how you have it setup. this will show us water levels as well as the hose and bowl.

2: Shisha. Let us know what youre smoking. sure, if its Starbuzz or Steam Stones we may give you crap, but at least let us know what kind and how you packed it.

3: Bowl. Whether its the one your pipe came with or one you got in your excitement, tell us because i can promise weve used them before. Also let us know what kind of foil youre using, how many layers and if you can describe your hole poking method

4:Coals. Big thing with a lot of new users is heat management. we need to know how many and of what kind, not to mention how you have them placed.


with that info, SOMEONE here can diagnose your problem.

and heres the last thing: FAT CLOWDZ arent what you should go after. a good session is whats most important, and not all shisha will give you big smoke. this is for pleasure, not for show.

[Monstr617]

Great post for the Noobs Madwolf. I will second everything you had to say.

[lizziechic123]

thanks for the info madwolf, very informative and helpful
great for future reference

[Zyst]

Nice read, negative points for using the word swag though!

[Madwolf]

Sir, I think I can use swag appropriately.........

[southernpipeman]

cherro dear chap

[Zyst]

Originally Posted by Madwolf

Sir, I think I can use swag appropriately.........

So it would seem dear chap.

[valan_lazarus]

Well thought out and well worded post. Glad you decided to put this up as a basic primer of sorts. Nicely done.

[tsmooth2001]

very well said. could have used this advice a few years back. stay patient peeps.

[Neorej]

Nicely done mate !

[SubmersedShelf8]

Great thread Mad. I must say that this will come in handy for all the new smokers out there. And I must say that swag is acceptable. If only I knew about hookahpro back when I started smoking. Probably could have avoided many frustrating nights.

Something I want to add:
Every pipe is different even if it is made by the same maker. It takes time, effort and patience to be able to learn your new pipe and get everything going smoothly and sublimely. Monster617 and I had his KM to start with then I bought mine and it was the difference between night and day.
So please just make sure you give your new hookah time and love to grow to you. Believe me it will deffinitley be forgiving with time.

[tolgacetli]

great ready good info!

[AcTiOnJaCkSoN]

lol pretty entertaining read. Nice Job.
I agree. Although I was guilty of it as a noob. Which bowl do I NEED? I need this ... that... for uber terrific session...now I just spend my money on shisha/coals and smoke!

[Springfield03]

Amen. Now we need to get people to read this.

[epitome]

Beautiful post Madwolf! Solid basics are the foundation to enter the domain of "tech hookah". Although tech smoking looks amazing and effortless, it take practice and patience.

The hard work is worth it! I've come a long way since my first mya back in march, anyone who works hard to learn can do it and spread the love to others!

[Swells]

This is excellent. Fortunately I didn't have that much trouble getting started (besides getting very angry at my natural coals at first). Great info for nubs like me.

[Bumble Footie]

Hi everyone - I am a "noob" and found madwolf's post spot on! I've been experimenting with heat mgmt, H20 levels, shisha, etc. All it takes is patience and "don't panic" is such good advice. Thank you all for the great info, reviews, etc...it has all been very helpful and entertaining!

[rrandomhero]

Bravo on the write up, that pretty much covers all the noob questions and you're encouraging them to start with easy, quality tobacco and a simple egyptian bowl to eliminate all other variables before they venture into phunnels/vortexes/crown bowls and crazy stuff like that. This is exactly the advice I give everyone starting out. Start simple and work your way up, which unfortunately isn't the way most people do it.
Great job!

[mimi_pantalones]

Kudos, sir [:

[MrRoot]

*brohoof*

[Madwolf]

Originally Posted by MrRoot

*brohoof*